I feel like impurity. I’m no longer innocent, I’m lost without a cause. I’m liar and a cheat and I am disobedient. For reasons I’m too ignorant to recollect; for reasons I’m not worth to even check. an empty abyss, there is ground in an abyss, though my heart and brain feels like they have a gaping hole, making me feel less than whole. I’m an incompetent complication, to get love I must feel love and be willing to accept love but I couldn’t detect love if it had bitten me on the nose or stabbed me in the chest. I feel like a car that’s run out of fuel but keeps going. I feel like my body is being eating alive and I’m dying, continuously but still living. When I don’t feel I feel like assisted suicide is worth it. Why would you let someone suffer until death as if a jump of a bridge or a bungee jump with broken equipment due to emotional setback wouldn’t be graceful?. When I don’t feel, I feel unfaithful. its my fault, I’m sorry, forgive me, I’m not stable. when I don’t feel, I’m high; I’m confused, I’m delirious, hysterical, unfathomable and no more technical than a layman’s as possible because my level of everything depreciated and was destructible. I feel like a bomb that’s gone 5, 4, 3, 2, and kept choking on one. I feel like 20mins of sex and the climax ? there is none. Pause. Has an unfamiliar hand ever touched you ? When I don’t feel, I know I don’t do it on purpose and fuck what you say I’m dirt and I’m worthless. When I did feel, it felt pointless, I’m not selfish or self centred but its too much, I don’t deserve this. I shook in fear at the words “I love you”. My body radiated disgust at the themes I wasn’t used to.